Welcome to Mystics Reading Society! We’re currently doing a chapter-by-chapter read along of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön. Each Sunday, you’ll receive a letter with a chapter summary, a reflection, and an oracle card to help us reflect on the teachings in this Buddhist text.
“After we’ve practiced meditation for a while, because we just sit alone with ourselves doing nothing but being aware of our out-breath and noticing our thoughts, our minds become stiller. Therefore, we begin to notice everything more.”
—Pema Chödrön
✨ What This Chapter Teaches
In Chapter 17 of When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chödrön offers a teaching on loosening our attachment to the ego of our opinions by labeling them as opinions in our meditation practice.
“Opinions are opinions, nothing more or less. We can begin to notice them, and we can begin to label them as opinions, just as we label thoughts as thoughts. Just by this simple exercise we are introduced to the notion of egolessness. All ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and the absolute truth about how things are. To have even a few seconds of doubt about the solidity and absolute truth of our own opinions, just to begin to see that we do have opinions, introduces us to the possibility of egolessness.”
—Pema Chödrön
But this isn’t about beating ourselves up for having opinions or trying to eliminate them. It’s about stepping into the awareness that we do have them.
“We don’t have to make these opinions go away, and we don’t have to criticize ourselves for having them. We could just notice what we say to ourselves and see how so much of it is just our particular take on reality which may or may not be shared by other people.”
—Pema Chödrön
In the chapter, Chödrön also explores the Buddhist principles of social action and nonaggression, and how mindfulness around our opinions supports both. It helps us see the facts of a situation more clearly—allowing us to take social action from a grounded, powerful place.
She’s very clear that this practice isn’t about denying reality or staying silent. It’s about calming our minds and hearts so we can clearly perceive what’s happening and take the necessary action.
“It’s up to us to sort out what is opinion and what is fact; then we can see intelligently. The more clearly we can see, the more powerful our speech and actions will be.”
—Pema Chödrön
She concludes the chapter with this:
“Cultivating a mind that does not grasp at right and wrong, you will find a fresh state of being. The ultimate cessation of suffering comes from that.”
—Pema Chödrön
🔮 Emma’s Reflection
When I was in my late twenties, I came to see that the home I grew up in was emotionally abusive. Living in that house, with those people, had been deeply harmful, and not only that, those relationships were still harming me.
Just like in many families built on the foundations of abuse, when I ended my relationship with my father at the age of 30, almost no one supported me.
Most of my family couldn’t believe how horrible it was for me to end that relationship. It hurt my father so much. Couldn’t I see that?
Like so many others in my situation, I was astounded. Couldn’t they see that this was not an act of harm, but rather a response to harm that had been done to me?
For my family, thinking of my upbringing as abusive was an opinion. For me, it was truth.
By the time I was ready to end that relationship, however, I was also ready to stop fighting the battles.
I had been trying to show people for years, ever since I was teenager, how bad things were.
All I received were platitudes. “It wasn’t like that.” “You’re not remembering correctly.” “It’s not that bad.”
It was incredibly frustrating, until there was this moment of absolute clarity.
Nothing new had happened—just the continued endless talking in circles about my father and what to do to get him to change.
I operated under the belief that if he could just see it then everything would be ok. And I was drowning in that belief—giving my life force over to obsessive thinking and rumination.
Then one day I went on a walk to a river, and there was a moment when the scales fell from my eyes, like Paul on the road to Damascus.
And there was a voice in my mind—maybe the voice of Love or of God or of my own soul, I don’t know—but it told me this was never going to change, no matter how hard I tried. Stop talking to him. Stop drowning.
And it felt so true. I needed to give up the battle—to quit trying to get everyone to think like me, and instead, to walk away.
I sent him an email, and that was that. I haven’t talked to him since.
But my family’s response—oh that was hard. I was angry and hurt, but I didn’t fight them.
I just stood my ground in this action that was non-action. A revolutionary stopping.
It was one of the first times in my life where the truth was so clear that I didn’t care what other people thought. So much so, that I didn’t need to make them believe or agree.
I did what I needed to do, and their opinions about it didn’t change my mind.
And that was the making of me.
A million good things have happened since the day I sent that email. Zero regrets.
After reading this week’s chapter, I closed my eyes and turned inward. This is the story that came forward. It’s interesting to look back at this from fifteen years in the future. I’m so impressed, honestly…like, holy crap I did that?! Wow, that was brave!
This is one of the experiences I’m most proud of in my life, and writing it out today was a great reminder of how healing it can be to focus my energy on what is true, instead of being caught in the loop of “I’m right! You’re wrong! And you must agree with me!”
Writing this story helped me see Pema’s teaching in my own life, but this short chapter on social action is far from the whole conversation. For more perspectives, I highly recommend the book, Be a Revolution: How Everyday People Are Fighting Oppression and Changing the World—and How You Can, Too by Ijeoma Oluo.
🌠 Guidance from the Cards
Each week I pull a card to deepen our reflection and give us another lens on Pema’s teachings.
Card deck: This week’s card comes from The Rose Oracle by Rebecca Campbell.
Question: What more do we need to know about our opinions?
Card: The Breathing Rose — Heart healing. Emotions. Connection. Time eases.
“Often, healing is a slow, steady process. It’s complex, not linear. It takes as long as it takes. And most of the time that’s much longer than we’d wish. But, like all things in nature, there’s a mysterious intelligence to it. And if we trust it and let the vibrant petals fall to the earth, cut back what’s no longer, and protect the new shoots and buds from being pried open, we may find ourselves in a second bloom. And fruit will follow. You can’t manufacture that. We must trust the great mystery in the process.
The bud somehow manages to burst through the constraints by opening to life. All of nature has this intelligence within it. The challenge when we’re going through a time of healing — which is another word for growth, transformation, change — is not to close ourselves off from the world when we most want to separate and shut down. To somehow find the courage to open through the agony, the difficulty, and the hurt. And when we feel safe enough, to let Life soften us not harden us, to deepen and cradle us.
This is a card of deep heart healing, It will often come to us as a symbol of emotional healing that’s in the process of happening. The mending’s underway.
Treat yourself and your healing with compassion, understanding, and gentleness. This is a card of deep encouragement that you’re doing it. Time will ease everything soon.
SOUL INQUIRY
How can you treat yourself with gentle compassion and softness?
How can you trust the timing of your healing?”
—Rebecca Campbell
📝What lines resonate for you from this description? How does it expand your understanding of relating to your opinions?
💬Join the Conversation
Now I’d love to hear from you. Come share your insights, favorite quotes from the chapter, or questions in the comments. Remember, we are not a dogmatic bunch here. It’s okay to explore.
—Emma
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Hi, I’m Emma Veritas! I’m a reader, writer, and mystic living on the beautiful coast of Portugal. I created Mystics Reading Society as a welcoming space for seekers, dreamers, and magic-makers who want to weave spiritual and intuitive wisdom into everyday life. We explore empowering, healing, and mystical books while building a supportive community for those walking their own authentic, unconventional, and wildly fulfilling path.
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